The Contender - Alfred Brooks
How I Live Now - Daisy
New York City
Daisy had been in the hospital for some amount of months, slowly dying emotionally from loss. When she was released, because they weren’t sure of what her medical problem was, she found herself living in New York. She was isolated, separated from those in England she loved. She had to live with her father who didn’t even care about her, her stepmother who believed she was a worthless waste of money, and her half sister, who was very conceited. She soon left, and found a job, but couldn’t save up enough money to get her to England anytime soon. She was incredibly sad.
Alfred Brooks, on the other hand, was in better spirits because he was starting at Donatelli’s gym, boxing. He was finally becoming somebody, not just a street bum, and plus, he was get time away from Major and Hollis and everyone else because they’d been after him since he accidentally didn’t mention the alarm when he accidentally relayed them information about the store where Alfred worked. So they tried to rob the store, and his friend James was the only one who got caught. He was getting better.
Then one day while Alfred was running and Daisy was strolling glumly through the park, Alfred accidentally ran into Daisy. Daisy, with incredible instincts because of the war immediately, but accidentally gave him a hard punch in the stomach. Alfred doubled-over in pain, Daisy, realizing what she had done, went to help him.
He asked her “How did you punch that hard when you’re that thin?”
Daisy replied, “I was in England during the War.”
“That was really a good punch, have you ever tried boxing?”
“No, I really just want to get back to England to see my cousins again. I don’t do anything except try to get money for a passport and transportation.”
“Why don’t you just ask your parents for some money or something?” Alfred asked.
“They wouldn’t bother giving me anything at all, not even food sometimes. But I don’t care. I don’t live with them, and once I’m gone, I am not coming back for anything.”
“Well if you need money, come to Donatelli’s gym and start boxing it will take a few weeks, but you’ll get to fight in a real fight and with one win, you should get enough money from sponsors. My first fight should be soon.” said Alfred.
“What time do I have to go to this gym?” Daisy asked.
“Whatever works for you. Mr. Donatelli is pretty stern, but Bud and Henry will be good to you.”
Daisy started at the gym and the first thing Mr. Donatelli said to her is that she needs to eat healthy, but not nothing at all, because anorexia and bulimia weaken a fighter inside and out. Next he asked her why she was depressed. She wondered how he knew all this, maybe Alfred had told him, but Alfred knew only that she yearned to see her cousins, and that she had been there during the war, but nothing else. It was strange, as if he knew everything about her without knowing anything at all. She lied and said she was having a hard time with money, which, generally speaking, was true, but that was a very small reason for sadness. She talked a little more, set up her time, and started training.
Alfred trained, waiting for news about his soon to be first fight, but it did not come. Bud and Henry kept telling him it would come soon, but he was not reassured. The finally, Mr. Donatelli came over to him and said “You’ll be fighting, but winning will depend on all three fights.”
“What?” Alfred asked sure that he had misunderstood Donatelli.
“You, Jelly, and Daisy are going to fight against three fighters from a different gym. It’s just exhibition, money from sponsors is really all we get, but it’s good practice. Best two out of three wins.”
“Bu-” Alfred just caught himself before saying Daisy was to inexperienced, because he knew this was probably her one shot at getting the money she needed, and he didn’t want to cancel his first fight.
Daisy was scared for the fight, she’d only had three weeks of training, which she hated, and the girl she was fighting was a massive girl who won 4/5 fights on average. But all she could think about was England, Piper and Isaac, but most of all Edmond.
Alfred was nervous too, but his opponent had less experience than Daisy’s, but won 9/10 fights on average. He had to be ready.
The fighter against Jelly was very skilled, and just won in the sixth round. That meant both Daisy and Alfred would have to win.
Daisy was up first. Alfred told her “This girls strong, but she’s slow. Hit her in the body then mix it up with some combinations.”
Daisy got in the ring. She saw the sponsors watching with a sort of impatient, annoyed look like Davina, her step mom. Then the bell rang, and she was hit with a punch that knocked her off her feet. She got back up, made a punch combo on the girl’s stomach, which sounded like the gunfire she’d heard during the war. It was strange thinking about that now, and it didn’t help her because her momentary distraction allowed the other girl to send another punch, this time to the face. Daisy stayed standing, but she knew she was seconds from losing. But she’d survived the war, survived the terrible conditions, so this should be nothing. She sent a bullet-like combo and the other girl fell, and did not get up. When the time was up, she helped the other girl up. She realized that now she could see Piper, Isaac, and most of all Edmond. But Alfred still had to win his fight.
Alfred really wanted to impress Donatelli in this fight, so he did everything he could do. But this kid was better. The first round both gave equal effort and skills, second round was really good for Alfred, but third round went to the other fighter. Then finally in the fourth round, Alfred knew it was all up to him to impress Donatelli, and help Daisy get to her goal he sent a punch at the other fighter’s cheek that knocked him out. It was strange, as he was horrified and hated at what he had done, but glad that he did it.
So Daisy was given the sponsor money, and she was going to leave for England. Alfred was glad he’d helped her, but still uneasy about fighting after that night. Daisy thanked Alfred for his help, and wished him luck as a fighter. And they both parted ways.
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I liked how you used your essay to tell a complete story without not giving a lot of detail. You gave very detailed descriptions of the characters, which was very helpful to me as I didn't know anything about Daisy's background. I could understand from your beginning why she was so depressed.
ReplyDeleteFrom what I know about the characters, your conversation seemed authentic. I liked Alfred's reaction to Donatelli telling him that he and Daisy would be taking part in a sponsor fight. In fact, that was probably my favorite part of your essay. The reaction seemed very realistic.
"Bu-” Alfred just caught himself before saying Daisy was to inexperienced, because he knew this was probably her one shot at getting the money she needed, and he didn’t want to cancel his first fight."
I didn't quite understand Daisy's motivation for wanting to be a boxer. It seems that since she has recently experienced war, she wouldn't want to be involved with something that is kind of violent again so soon. I guess if I had read "How I Live Now" it might make more sense.
I'd be interested to see a story sometime where you take a small situation (like a conversation) and wrote it with a lot of detail. This was very detailed and I'd be interested to see you write something that detailed that takes place in a shorter amount of time.
Nice job.